Being a (bonus) mom to a nearly 17-year-old daughter is tough, but not for reasons you would expect. It’s not the mood swings, the overreactions or even the boys that give this mama grief. It’s the pressure of raising a self-sufficient adult who is prepared enough to problem solve in the real world. Raising fully functioning adults is hard work and I feel like no one is talking about it. Sure we talk about teaching little ones their ABCs and potty training, but when do we ever talk about teaching our children to make decisions for themselves, take initiative and know what to do if you hear water rushing in your ceiling. 🤷🏻 I mean seriously. 

Over the summer while my husband and I were vacationing in Hawaii our 16-year-old was home by herself. She had a schedule packed with work and drill team practice. She took care of the animals, fed herself multiple times a day and even kept up with her schedule – being on time everywhere. Things were wonderful, her father and I were very proud. On the last day of our trip she had a fender bender. This was her first experience with an accident in Texas, much less an accident where she was the driver. She tried to reach us but with the time difference was unable to wake us… 

Life Lessons

Not having us to fall back on she was forced to problem solve. Before we left I supplied her with a list of 8+ people that were “on call” if she needed anything. In that moment she had to think for herself and work the system. She called 911, exchanged information with the other driver, took photos and was handling the situation pretty well. She made several phone calls until she reached someone. That someone, was able to help her catch her breath, reassure her that it would be alright and track us down. Roughly 45 minutes after the accident the news had made it to Hawaii. Her father and I then sat on the line and waited for the tow truck. She had done it, all without us swooping in to save the day. Although we were riddled with guilt, “What ifs?” and frustration – overall it was a very gratifying moment. It’s easy to imagine your children being ready to leave the nest, it’s a completely different thing to be confident that they will thrive and turn into productive adults.

In today’s parenting culture it is easy to rush in and help your children as a way to keep them a step ahead, but often times that actually lessens the learning opportunity. How do we give our children the space they need to grow and learn while still keeping them safe and maintaining our sanity?

Allow Mistakes

Something that I work with consistently is my reaction to mistakes. As a Virgo I can (sometimes 😉) have a firm grasp on perfection, and mistakes tend to throw a wrench in that. Knowing that mistakes happen and that often the best lessons are learned in those moments keeps me grounded. If you allow your children the freedom to make their own decisions it will give them the confidence they require to become their own person. Being there to pick up the pieces and get them back on track is very important, but be sure to let the chips fall before you do so.

Encourage New Experiences

Encouraging new interactions whether it be clubs at school, volunteer organizations or study groups. Interacting with new groups of people broadens your child’s horizons. By encouraging these interactions your child can learn from the experience and the experiences of their peers. Learning right from wrong, good from bad and productive vs nonproductive are all lessons one learns through experience. Making these distinctions before adulthood can vastly improve a child’s ability to thrive.

Remember They Are Still Kids

This is important. Being a teenager is the time in life where you get to be an adult 40% of the day and a kid 60% of the day. These kids have the rest of their lives to pay bills, cook dinner and take care of themselves – no reason to push them out early. Make the most of these last few years and allow them to be kids. After all, that’s really what we want as parents right? To always be needed?

They will leave the nest, and because of you, they will leave ready to take on the world. Cherish those moments, embrace the learning curve and always be there to pick up the pieces.

This is what parenting is all about, being the person we needed when we were that age.

Do you have any teens? What are some of your tips and tricks to stay sane?

xo,

C

 

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